Monday, September 26, 2011

Rules of Hooking-Up in College: Who's Acceptable?

It’s always been clear to both sexes that hooking up with a younger girl or hooking up with an older guy is acceptable. Research actually shows that older men who father children with younger women increase the lifespan of their offspring. From an evolutionary standpoint, older men represent security and a multitude of resources to eligible younger women so it is no surprise that the practice of older men dating younger women has become a common occurrence.

In terms of college life, a freshman guy starts out at the bottom of the hook-up hierarchy and has the next four years of chasing tail to look forward too because their pool of options continues to grow. Every year new classes of freshmen girls arrive to replace the last class; creating the image that hot, new girls keep arriving on campus while you, as a guy, get progressively more filled-out and more attractive to the young, naïve coeds.

But what about when those coveted freshmen girls enter into their sophomore slump? Or when they eventually become SENIOR GIRLS?! The selection of girls for college guys is constantly growing while the selection pool for college girls quickly becomes an evaporated puddle. As a college coed makes her way up the ranks in college, she has two acceptable options: lockdown a boyfriend within the first two years as an underclassman or start dipping into the pool of younger college boys.

Five Rules of Robbing the Cradle:

1. Don’t go back to their dorm or their fraternity house – too many other younger guys there will see you and you DON’T want to get a reputation as that-older-girl-that-gets-with-all-the-younger-guys

2. Unless you really like the young fella, keep strict hook-up etiquette – no dates, nothing but late-night texts, and avoid seeing them during daylight hours at all costs

3. If you plan on nabbing a freshman boy before he gets a bid to a frat, BEWARE: Your frat star ex-boyfriend could end up turning your NEW boyfriend into dead, (not fresh), meat– and you’ll probably get mocked for it at skeeps

4. DON’T keep mentioning his age difference during your hot and (somewhat) shameful hookups. Like a pink elephant in the room, there is no need to mention the fact that while you are driving your friends’ cars from your apartment to Hillers to get your meals, he is taking the bus from Bursley to MoJo to get his

5. Keep his phone number. In five years, hooking up with him might have actually become acceptable

Regardless of society and evolution frowning upon older girls hooking up with younger guys, nothing can spoil the fun of hooking up in college. When in doubt, everybody looks the same in the dark (just make sure they are over eighteen).

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