Freshman Girls

What is it about a freshman girl that screams, “I’m ready to make mistakes”? Is it their utter lack of exposure to contraband and horny frat guys prior to entering college? Or could it simply be that no one gave them the advice they needed to hear before graduating the safe bubble of high school and starting the crazy college lifestyle?

College guys – mostly upperclassmen and potentially future cradle-robbers – often joke saying, “freshman girls: get ‘em while they’re still skinny”. While that is a) funny and b) tragically true in many cases, it can also be worded as, “freshman girls: get ‘em while they still don’t know better”.

These eighteen-year-old girls walk into college wide-eyed and ready for new experiences – and somewhere right around the corner, there is someone ready to take advantage. Now, don’t take that as an incentive to stay in every night playing Words with Friends, casually eating chicken fingers and fries at the Hideaway, and steadily gaining the freshman fifteen. College, especially in a cool city such as Ann Arbor, has an infinite number of opportunities for you to be social and expand your horizons; but when you go out, maybe to a bar (18 and up, of course) or a fraternity party, don’t be an idiot. You might wonder, “Hmm…am I an idiot? What the hell would make me an idiot?” An idiotic freshman girl is someone you cannot recognize until you are no longer a freshman. She often drinks in excess and feels that because she and some rando-dude have been talking for five minutes and are now best friends, it is okay to accept illegal drugs from them or go to their room (for whatever stupid line he drops – i.e. better quality alcohol, to hang out, or to show you something).

Another idiot move is dormcest. What is dormcest, you ask? Its ‘dorm’ and ‘incest’ combined, you idiot; it is what you call hooking up with someone (or multiple someone’s) who live in your dorm. In theory, it has a few big benefits: minimal walk-of-shame (a real plus when it starts to get cold out), you don’t even have to go out to hook up, and you never have to worry about not being able to brush your teeth. Nine times out of ten, however, it does not work. Fact: it can and will get awkward. For awhile, dormcest is fun but things start to go downhill when you want to bring somebody else back with you and you run into your dormcestual partner; be prepared for that inevitable tricky turn of events when starting a dormcest relationship.

Idiotic freshman girls can also be found making a scene in a public place and probably sitting on the dirty sidewalk; i.e. “OMG…[sobbing/yelling] we hooked up one time and he said he would call and now I just saw him making out with that chick over there! I thought we were gonna be, like, boyfriend/girlfriend! [sobbing and more yelling in a public place] He SAID he liked me!”

Making a scene in public is really never going to be to your benefit – unless you challenge someone to a dance-off and win or something. It is especially disadvantageous when you are making a scene about something embarrassing for you, such as rejection or falling down. If something embarrassing happens and you are not in a good state of mind, just go home. Additionally, most guys in college do not want to be your boyfriend, in fact, you really shouldn’t want most of them to be your boyfriend – be selective, ladies. The dating scene these days usually follows a pretty formulaic pattern: you hook-up and then there is either some sort of follow through or not. If there is no follow through after you meet somebody or hook-up with them, they likely don’t like you.

So, please, for the sake of everyone around you; don’t be an idiot.

“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” – Mean Girls

Halloween weekend is just around the corner and that means at least three to four nights of celebration. Awesome, right? What it really means is three to four nights of having to find different costumes and on each night you are faced with the ultimate question, “should I go slutty?”(Plus having some back-up costume options for the likely case that someone else is wearing the same costume as you, of course).

For guys, coming up with Halloween costumes is easy; recycle from last year, come up with a clever title for anything that allows you to wear a jacket, find some way to expose your muscles, make up any excuse to grow out your facial hair. It almost does not matter what you wear as long as you are not dressed up as a hotdog or some other hard-to-dance-in-costume on a night that you are trying to hook up with someone (or some people).

When it comes to girls, sorry, Halloween costumes are not so simple. The choice between dressing up in a non-original, slutty costume and a clever, non-revealing costume is a tough one. Extensive research results show, however, that you will get just as much play wearing sexy lingerie topped with bunny ears as you will wearing a Bob Marley t-shirt and a pot on your head. On the other hand, if you do not have a lot going for you other than a smoking bod and aren’t actually clever enough to come up with a funny costume that is still kind of cute, you might want to stick with the tried and true method of dressing like a total, unoriginal slut (i.e. devil/angel, firefighter, police officer, small animal, nurse, schoolgirl, etc.) because, after all, it is the one night of the year where (almost) no other girls can say anything about it.

*Disclaimer: this blog post refers to extensive research that is completely, one hundred percent based on personal observation (definitely not experience)

‘Bongs and Thongs’ Still in Progress

If you’ve been strolling around East Liberty Street near Fourth Avenue recently, you may have seen where the new head shop/sex store, ‘Bongs and Thongs’, was supposed to open at the end of this past July. However, construction of the retail store has been halted due to a zoning issue that concerns its product. The city ordinance forbids the sale of “devices of simulated human genitals or devices designed for sexual stimulation” in that particular district of downtown Ann Arbor.

Right off the bat, you would think that the real issue with opening this store would be what the ‘Bongs’ part of the title entails; but apparently that is not the case. Ann Arbor is known for its quirkiness and general liberal environment; full of unique Ann Arbor townies, farmer’s markets, vintage stores, clothing boutiques, the ‘Safe Sex Store’ right off campus, as well as a number of other eccentric establishments scattered throughout Kerrytown and downtown. The addition of ‘Bongs and Thongs’ fits in quite nicely with the accepting atmosphere that the locals and students alike have embraced here in Ann Arbor. The city and their ordinances that keep stores like ‘Bongs and Thongs’ from opening and bars such as ‘5th Quarter’ and ‘Studio 4’ (currently under the name of ‘Dream Nite Club’) from operating are, in the words of Harry Potter, “riddikulus!”.

Finishing construction and finally unveiling ‘Bongs and Thongs’ as a retail option for those shoppers who grimace at the thought of trekking across the Diag from the ‘Safe Sex Store’ to ’42 Degrees’ (because, let’s face it, their selection is much better than ‘Smoka Hookah’) will be a light at the end of a long tunnel. The introduction of an alternative to the ‘Safe Sex Store’ will be a welcome change to sexually active/curious/bored students and locals. In accordance with the stipulations about their merchandise, ‘Bongs and Thongs’ (when it eventually opens at 119 E. Liberty Street) will feature: hookah products, hand-blown glass tobacco products, hose cleaners, decorations, incense, posters, games, massage lotions and oils, body jewelry, party supplies, lubrication and beauty supplies. ‘Bongs and Thongs’ – the name says it all.

News articles on the topic:

http://www.annarbor.com/business-review/bongs-thongs-head-shop-and-sex-store-to-open-in-former-liberty-street-video-in-downtown-ann-arbor/

http://www.annarbor.com/news/top-5-signs-that-bongs-thongs-proves-that-downtown-ann-arbor-is-at-a-crossroad/

http://www.annarbor.com/business-review/construction-on-bongs-thongs-retailer-delayed-amid-zoning-concerns-from-the-city/

http://www.michigandaily.com/opinion/daily-thongs-and-bongs

http://annarbor.com/business-review/bongs-thongs-reminds-downtown-ann-arbor-of-former-red-light-district-as-city-blocks-sex-toys/

Perfect for the Pickiest Dater

The life of a college student or recent graduate is busy and full of stress during these tough economic times. Finding a job should be the greatest challenge you face today – not finding a date. Luckily, this competitive job market and struggling economy are coupled with the introduction of a new kind of dating website; the ability to specify what university you prefer your partner to come from, what subject they major in (or teach?!), and even what type of relationship you are looking for (one-night-stand, actual dinner date, potential boyfriend/girlfriend, someone who actually wants to talk to you other than your therapist, etc.) is finally at your fingertips. Most importantly for eighteen to twenty something year olds when it comes to online dating is…having no one find out that you are online dating! Nothing is sadder then all of your friends finding out about your JDate and eHarmony accounts; so even though you clearly created them because you’re looking for a wider range of people to hook up with, it’s still frowned upon. Yet, it’s totally socially acceptable for you to wear your hottest, sluttiest outfits out on a thirsty Thursday night at Dream when you are looking to get some but when you try finding some potential hook ups online – it’s just not cool.

Cut to – the introduction of DateMySchool.com onto your social radar here at Michigan. Going to the same old bars and seeing the same old people is getting tired; it’s time for a change that will make a difference. Recycling to save the environment is really “in” right now; recycling through all of your friends’ past hook ups, on the other hand, is not. It’s time to widen the selection of potential hook ups without making a huge effort to expand your social scene or take time away from more important things. If you thought Facebook was revolutionary; this could be the next big thing.

http://datemyschool.com/
Watch the video advertisement on the homepage!