Finally Thursday night! You know what that means? 3 straight nights of binge drinking and not even a thought about school until late Sunday afternoon! Sounds like a weekend full of cheap vodka and Skeeps! But nothing makes a weekend more memorable than hooking up (essentially the only reason guys go out in the first place), and what better place to find that special someone than Skeeps. Here are some suggestions to optimizing that chance:
• Don’t wave your money around too much at the bar: You don’t need to spend a ton of money at the bar (although it doesn’t hurt sometimes) to get someone to go home with you. At the very least, you need to buy at least one drink for that potential hook-up; because unless they went out that night intending to hook-up with you already, you’ll need to spend some time with them and what better way to do that then to loosen up the conversation with a drink?! For free! Purchased and given out of the goodness of your own heart with no ulterior motives whatsoever…
• It’s not considered “game” if THEY ask YOU to buy them a drink: I guess you can consider it almost kind of not really close at all to you “spittin’ some game”, it’s really just that potential hook-up getting drunker so they don’t feel as bad if they’re stuck going back with you at the end of the night. Plus, if they ask you to buy them a drink, you might just be the person who gives the free drinks and not the person who ends up getting it on at the end of the night.
• If it’s on Jersey Shore, don’t wear it: Shiny dragons and flashy brand names are better in theory than practice…why can’t you just wear a skirt or button down like everyone else?
• Don’t talk about school: How often does telling someone how well you did on your Orgo test get you laid? Never. And it never will. So stop telling people, seriously, even your Mom’s sick of it.
Etc. The list goes on and on. If you see your friend or someone you know acting out any of the above, do the right thing and correct them. Proper etiquette isn’t just for country clubs and fancy dinners; it’s for Skeeps.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Some of the Five Worst Things to Happen While Inebriated
5. Drunk goggles hook-up or drunk dialing/texting
If you’ve ever gone out in college, had a little too much to drink, and woke up the next day with all your friends laughing at you, then you know what drunk goggles mean. Someone may look more attractive or be a lot funnier than you would normally think. Now, when you have the drunk goggles on, it is not just your vision that is blurred. You may or may not also think that it would be a great idea to whip out the phone.
It’s not.
i.e. the wildly successful website www.textsfromlastnight.com was born. Congratulations drunk goggles.
4. Seeing your teacher
There is almost nothing worse than being out at a bar or a party, drinking, laughing with your friends, having the time of your life, and then, seeing your teacher. Do I say hi? Do they see me? Is this going to be bad later?
It might be something you’ve given little thought to but, seriously, what if it happened? It’s not really that unlikely. You probably have a GSI that is not that much older than you.
So many things could go wrong if this situation presented itself. You could hook up with them. That would be awkward. You could start talking to them about how drunk you are. That would also be awkward. There really isn’t anything that could come out of this situation that isn’t awkward. Sorry.
“Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.”
3. Losing a tooth
Having something with serious repercussion (like looking like a hillbilly until you can make your way to a reconstructive dentists of sorts) happen while inebriated SUCKS. Whether it’s losing a tooth, breaking a body part, or losing important things (phone, credit card, license, etc.), it just straight up sucks because it’s hard to take it seriously when you’re having so much fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXEO0dugq-4
2. Dick in zipper
You’re at the bar, buying drinks, taking shots, and, inevitably, you make your way to the restroom. One of the worst things that can happen in the bathroom, if you’re a guy, is accidentally zipping your dick in your zipper. For girls, it would probably be that you are too drunk and accidentally sit down on the pee-covered toilet seat – it’s upsetting but you wipe it off and take a shower. Boys, your pain will last longer but, it’s proven, will eventually heal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xuah8LC-Cw
1. Getting arrested for something
Peeing in public feels like a great relief at the time. Running naked in the streets seems fun at the time. Having sex in a public place sounds like a good story to tell later. Shouting obscenities is always funny at the time.
But you know what’s not funny later?
Jail.
If you’ve ever gone out in college, had a little too much to drink, and woke up the next day with all your friends laughing at you, then you know what drunk goggles mean. Someone may look more attractive or be a lot funnier than you would normally think. Now, when you have the drunk goggles on, it is not just your vision that is blurred. You may or may not also think that it would be a great idea to whip out the phone.
It’s not.
i.e. the wildly successful website www.textsfromlastnight.com was born. Congratulations drunk goggles.
4. Seeing your teacher
There is almost nothing worse than being out at a bar or a party, drinking, laughing with your friends, having the time of your life, and then, seeing your teacher. Do I say hi? Do they see me? Is this going to be bad later?
It might be something you’ve given little thought to but, seriously, what if it happened? It’s not really that unlikely. You probably have a GSI that is not that much older than you.
So many things could go wrong if this situation presented itself. You could hook up with them. That would be awkward. You could start talking to them about how drunk you are. That would also be awkward. There really isn’t anything that could come out of this situation that isn’t awkward. Sorry.
“Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.”
3. Losing a tooth
Having something with serious repercussion (like looking like a hillbilly until you can make your way to a reconstructive dentists of sorts) happen while inebriated SUCKS. Whether it’s losing a tooth, breaking a body part, or losing important things (phone, credit card, license, etc.), it just straight up sucks because it’s hard to take it seriously when you’re having so much fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXEO0dugq-4
2. Dick in zipper
You’re at the bar, buying drinks, taking shots, and, inevitably, you make your way to the restroom. One of the worst things that can happen in the bathroom, if you’re a guy, is accidentally zipping your dick in your zipper. For girls, it would probably be that you are too drunk and accidentally sit down on the pee-covered toilet seat – it’s upsetting but you wipe it off and take a shower. Boys, your pain will last longer but, it’s proven, will eventually heal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xuah8LC-Cw
1. Getting arrested for something
Peeing in public feels like a great relief at the time. Running naked in the streets seems fun at the time. Having sex in a public place sounds like a good story to tell later. Shouting obscenities is always funny at the time.
But you know what’s not funny later?
Jail.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Pick-Up Lines 101: What’s Your Sign?
As you may have heard, there is a new zodiac sign on the charts and everyone’s zodiac signs have shifted by about a month. This would basically mean that your personality and basic characteristics have changed, as well as the perfect matching sign of your soul mate. Seems totally logical…
Not.
After doing some digging on the internet, it appears that those individuals with zodiac sign tattoos, a daily horoscope application, or anybody who at least knew what their sign was need fear no longer! According to Lawrence Grecco, an astrologist to New York City’s elite with over 20 years experience in the stars, “this new chart is not accurate” and the masses do not need to worry about having a mid-life zodiac crisis. Furthermore, Susan Miller, a famous New York-based astrologist, says to “not start reading the wrong sign. You'll be getting the wrong readings. People who read the wrong sign will never believe in astrology again.”
In other words, if the “what’s your sign” line was previously your go-to-pick-up and you were nervous that you couldn’t use it anymore, don’t be. You totally still can because nothing has changed! However, it is still recommended that you do not use this line because it is pretty lame and stupid. Commonly reserved for creepy older people that go to undergraduate bars where the bar-goers are usually underage students who are inappropriately inebriated for a public place. So unless you are a learned astrologer and could follow up this classically out-dated line with some fascinating, life-changing information about how zodiac signs are matched up or some other really cool fact, don’t ever use this line not as a joke.
http://globalgrind.com/channel/gossip/content/1901063/new-zodiac-signs-2011-chart/
http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=13846716
Not.
After doing some digging on the internet, it appears that those individuals with zodiac sign tattoos, a daily horoscope application, or anybody who at least knew what their sign was need fear no longer! According to Lawrence Grecco, an astrologist to New York City’s elite with over 20 years experience in the stars, “this new chart is not accurate” and the masses do not need to worry about having a mid-life zodiac crisis. Furthermore, Susan Miller, a famous New York-based astrologist, says to “not start reading the wrong sign. You'll be getting the wrong readings. People who read the wrong sign will never believe in astrology again.”
In other words, if the “what’s your sign” line was previously your go-to-pick-up and you were nervous that you couldn’t use it anymore, don’t be. You totally still can because nothing has changed! However, it is still recommended that you do not use this line because it is pretty lame and stupid. Commonly reserved for creepy older people that go to undergraduate bars where the bar-goers are usually underage students who are inappropriately inebriated for a public place. So unless you are a learned astrologer and could follow up this classically out-dated line with some fascinating, life-changing information about how zodiac signs are matched up or some other really cool fact, don’t ever use this line not as a joke.
http://globalgrind.com/channel/gossip/content/1901063/new-zodiac-signs-2011-chart/
http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=13846716
Monday, January 10, 2011
Welcome Back to School: Where everything is covered in snow but girls still go out in tank tops, short skirts, and tight dresses
Winter term has just begun and it’s time for a fresh start. New classes means meeting new people and having different class times means being able to go out on different nights then you did in the fall. You could meet a whole new pool of people to hang out with! And if not a whole new pool, then at least a few more additions to your current one. So here are just a few pointers for stepping back out on the college social scene this term:
1. To be coy or not to be coy
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether it’s better to just put it all out there or hold back and play games. Normally, it’s best to go with what feels right for the situation: express your feelings or keep them to yourself for a little bit of mystery and intrigue.
And when it comes to whether or not to have sex or when to have sex, ask yourself, “What do I want out of the relationship?” Sometimes, although there are many exceptions to this rule, when you decide to have sex is also the decider of how long the relationship will last – or if it will last at all. Holding back and being coy about it at first can be the best way to find out what the other person’s motives are. Unless, of course, you are the one just looking for sex, in which case, all the more power to you. Use protection and be safe.
2. Think before you speak out loud
It is always important to remember that what you talk about with someone is a reflection of what you are choosing to bring up in the conversation. In other words, it is an indication of who you are to the other person. If you talk about sports or playing a game of D&D this afternoon, for better or worse, the other person will judge you by that.
Additionally, girls, when you point out how fat you look, how frizzy your hair is, or whatever other negative thing you choose to comment on, remember that you are drawing attention to something that you see as a flaw and that will be all the other person, who you are trying to impress, will focus on.
3. Don’t over-think it, don’t over analyze
If someone calls you or texts you, it DOES NOT necessarily mean that they are in love with you or have any desire to be your boyfriend or girlfriend. It probably just means that they wanted to call you or text you. Period. For the most part, it is smart to take most comments, interactions, etc. at face-value; don’t work yourself up too much.
1. To be coy or not to be coy
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether it’s better to just put it all out there or hold back and play games. Normally, it’s best to go with what feels right for the situation: express your feelings or keep them to yourself for a little bit of mystery and intrigue.
And when it comes to whether or not to have sex or when to have sex, ask yourself, “What do I want out of the relationship?” Sometimes, although there are many exceptions to this rule, when you decide to have sex is also the decider of how long the relationship will last – or if it will last at all. Holding back and being coy about it at first can be the best way to find out what the other person’s motives are. Unless, of course, you are the one just looking for sex, in which case, all the more power to you. Use protection and be safe.
2. Think before you speak out loud
It is always important to remember that what you talk about with someone is a reflection of what you are choosing to bring up in the conversation. In other words, it is an indication of who you are to the other person. If you talk about sports or playing a game of D&D this afternoon, for better or worse, the other person will judge you by that.
Additionally, girls, when you point out how fat you look, how frizzy your hair is, or whatever other negative thing you choose to comment on, remember that you are drawing attention to something that you see as a flaw and that will be all the other person, who you are trying to impress, will focus on.
3. Don’t over-think it, don’t over analyze
If someone calls you or texts you, it DOES NOT necessarily mean that they are in love with you or have any desire to be your boyfriend or girlfriend. It probably just means that they wanted to call you or text you. Period. For the most part, it is smart to take most comments, interactions, etc. at face-value; don’t work yourself up too much.
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