Monday, January 24, 2011

Some of the Five Worst Things to Happen While Inebriated

5. Drunk goggles hook-up or drunk dialing/texting

If you’ve ever gone out in college, had a little too much to drink, and woke up the next day with all your friends laughing at you, then you know what drunk goggles mean. Someone may look more attractive or be a lot funnier than you would normally think. Now, when you have the drunk goggles on, it is not just your vision that is blurred. You may or may not also think that it would be a great idea to whip out the phone.
It’s not.
i.e. the wildly successful website was born. Congratulations drunk goggles.

4. Seeing your teacher

There is almost nothing worse than being out at a bar or a party, drinking, laughing with your friends, having the time of your life, and then, seeing your teacher. Do I say hi? Do they see me? Is this going to be bad later?
It might be something you’ve given little thought to but, seriously, what if it happened? It’s not really that unlikely. You probably have a GSI that is not that much older than you.
So many things could go wrong if this situation presented itself. You could hook up with them. That would be awkward. You could start talking to them about how drunk you are. That would also be awkward. There really isn’t anything that could come out of this situation that isn’t awkward. Sorry.
“Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.”

3. Losing a tooth

Having something with serious repercussion (like looking like a hillbilly until you can make your way to a reconstructive dentists of sorts) happen while inebriated SUCKS. Whether it’s losing a tooth, breaking a body part, or losing important things (phone, credit card, license, etc.), it just straight up sucks because it’s hard to take it seriously when you’re having so much fun!

2. Dick in zipper

You’re at the bar, buying drinks, taking shots, and, inevitably, you make your way to the restroom. One of the worst things that can happen in the bathroom, if you’re a guy, is accidentally zipping your dick in your zipper. For girls, it would probably be that you are too drunk and accidentally sit down on the pee-covered toilet seat – it’s upsetting but you wipe it off and take a shower. Boys, your pain will last longer but, it’s proven, will eventually heal.

1. Getting arrested for something

Peeing in public feels like a great relief at the time. Running naked in the streets seems fun at the time. Having sex in a public place sounds like a good story to tell later. Shouting obscenities is always funny at the time.
But you know what’s not funny later?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This blog post is fucking hillarious. Not only have most of these things happened to me, but they happen often (ie when I texted my dad instead of my boyfriend, hey, lets fuck, when i was wasted)

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